Found..

Sitting here, the house empty the world so calm. The Summer leaving as the cool air fills the room. You smile, lips parting. You realize how far you have come. And all the pain of the world you once know seems like a distant nightmare.

I look back. Sometimes, I can hardly believe how far I have come. Who was that awkward naive little girl? I admit I was never the best friend, nor was I even remotely a decent Girlfriend, and for that I am so sorry. Through all my faults though, there are people still in my life. That is amazing!

Time goes so slow and yet, so fast. Some days I lose track of the minutes. How did I ever become so lucky? All the trials in my life, was it to come to this moment? I'm starting to think so and with these thoughts there are a few things I'm Really starting to consider. For starters, Getting back in religion, for so long I have avoided it. I refused to be anything, not saying I have to be what the torn version of Christianity is now, but I think a little faith in my life is a good thing?

I also know, that for three years I haven't taken a picture. I used to Carry a Camera with me everywhere just so I couldn't lose a memory, cause that's one of my biggest fears is not remember the good memories and how I want to! With out a Camera I almost feel lost. Not to mention there isn't a recent picture of me anywhere. And that's almost saddening. Or maybe, it's cause I just want people to see how happy I am right now?

Which leads me into another thing. Kris.
Kris is probably one of the most Amazing guys I know. I have known him for such a long time. And I honestly would have never thought, I would be sitting here on his bed, in his room, In his home in PA. Somehow fate lead us together again after a Hiatus. Somehow something made me message him, and for some reason he decided to message me back. What started as two friends catching up on life, relearning one another turned into something so amazing. Reading through the conversations you can see the transition, slowly day by day, the attachment. Of course, most of the growing was done over Skype several hours every night. It turned into me waking and trying to fill every moment of time I had so I could be closer to talking to him. And when I couldn't talk to him it turned into tears and a whisper of "oh gosh, I just want to talk to Kris"

So When things started going wrong in LA, Kris was there for me. He was my strength my word of reason. He had offered once for me to come, but I honestly thought he was playing. As we talked more he kept mentioning, and then, I started to think about it. I pushed myself to try and find a job, I was going insane. But Nothing would please them, I found out. So then we started making decisions. I was so scared. And once my mind was made, they tried to sway me. Getting on the plane was so hard. I did it. And I'm so glad.

I fell madly in love with him the moment he turned and smiled at me. The Ride home, was so amazing. There was no awkwardness I was expecting, I was so comfortable with him. My hand in his. Perfect. The way he looks at me melts my heart. I quiver. I can't breath. I think of him and my breath is taken from my lips. Being in his arms. Makes me feel so safe. When he kisses me, the world spins. And those butterflies, omigosh, those butterflies. I hope they never leave. When he leaves for work I am sad. And When he Returns I'm so excited and happy.

I know I've probably said this a million times through out my life, and I'm sure each time it was true. But I have Never felt like this before. And Knowing I can talk to him about everything makes me so happy. I don't have to hide from him. And the Simple "I'm Fine" Never works for him. Because he knows. And it's amazing for once for someone to finally look at me and go you are not fine. Instead of blowing me off. Every moment with him is amazing. Everyday is breathtaking. And I only hope this continues. I hope he still loves me in months to come. Then years. Maybe even a lifetime.

He is my best friend, my lover, My strength, my hope, My everything. Ultimately, I would give the world to see him smile. I love him. And for once, I can say those words, I've been so scared to say.

How did I get so lucky? How did I get fates Grace? I'm so glad I got on that plane. And slowly, this for once is starting to feel like a home to me. Which I have been searching for. For so, so long.

I want to stay so in love. Please don't let this end.
I love you.