Days pass, slowly, quickly. Time stops, speeds up. So much has happened, memories, nightmares. Desires.

I really should be more loyal to my blog. Except I seem to fill all my time with him. :D That's to be expected though I'm sure. I guess we can start with a few days ago..

We decided to go see Jason play, and we probably shouldn't Chris had just worked 12 hours and was tired, but we went to the bar, and I was so happy and excited. I've been more social lately, and I really like that, I like that I'm not this shy awkward girl. I'm more confident and okay with myself. So seeing Jason play was awesome. It was so nice to be back into the music thing. I really enjoy it and I only hope I can get more into it.. One day. We went to eat after Jason could finally leave and my ears were bleeding from horrid music. Kudos for getting on stage but omg. xD

So once we finished eating Chris and I went on the trip to home. Talking all the while. I guess Chris feel asleep for a split second, cause we were coming up a hill and the car wasn't turning with the curve, instead it was going straight for the rail. I remember saying "baby" a million times, I even hit him. Nothing. He says I screamed which is what woke him up, this I don't remember, honestly it's all a blur, it happened so fast. I just Remember hitting, I wasn't wearing my seat belt for some weird reason, and I had every other time. I Hit my head on the window panel. Decently hard, I hit my knee on the dash, and my arm on the door. I also happened to be on my period which was horrid and bleed ungodly amounts all over everything. I was in hysterics, my head hurt and I was disgusting. And Chris was freaking out. At first he didn't realize the extent of everything, I'm not sure it really hit him what exactly happened. I tried to calm myself down for the rest of the way home. Once home, I ran to the shower, then it all hit me. The pain in my head was unreal, I was shaky, it felt like there was a fire spreading in my head. I was dizzy and my vision was in and out. So Chris got me out of the shower, and Called for an ambulance. I wasn't happy about the Hospital thing, but I knew it was better to be safe then sorry. That, and I did hit my head after all. The Ambulance ride was awful. I wanted to vomit. Once there, I was pretty much in and out. No Concussion, just a little bruised and battered. With an icepack we went home. The weight if everything kind of set in and Chris and I just sort of cried. And I was okay with that, neither of use needed to be very strong at the moment, I know he felt awful about it. Which about a 45 minute nap, I got up and got ready for orientation. Which both Chris and his mother wanted me to reschedule, but I'm sort of stubborn in a sense and decided I would be okay to go. So Chris took me and Waited in the parking lot the entire three and a half hours till I got out. Seriously, awwww! I slept for a little. When he went to work he had left early. This made me seriously upset, I felt like I did something wrong, but I know it was just hard for him to see me and not feel bad. I ended up talking to Rich who I told what was going on and that I was just horribly horribly depressed and that I was alone and it upset me. So I called him and he talked with me about it, told me not much I can do besides love him and let him get through it. It was nice talking to him again. I miss my friends, one of the regrets I have is letting them all go.

It's been almost a week since then now. That was Tuesday early morning. So all is well. I'm feeling a little better, still insanely tired, but I'm sure I will be for awhile.

Everyday is amazing, everyday I fall more and more in love with him. I've never felt this way before, and it's so amazing. I've had my down times already. I fell like I'm not good enough for him sometimes, or like I'm not pretty enough. Maybe not sexy enough. I feel like I'm plane even. And I know he doesn't think any of that. I guess I'm not used to it. But when he tells me I'm beautiful, or gorgeous, I smile so big and blush so much. It makes my world. :D

A Month is coming soon. I am excited. Then his birthday. I look forward to the holidays this year, for once. :D November will be hard, as it always is. Papa died then. It's still very weird even now, I know it's been years since, but he was a huge part of my life. The holidays will be very weird as well, with me being so far from my family. But I have a new one now. And for this I great full. I don't think I could Thank Chris and his Mom enough for everything. Even if she was against it at first. I do appreciate it all.

Well as for everything that's about it. I'm happy and content. I'm in love an insane amount. I'm happy. For once, I'm very happy.

<3