I haven't updated in forever it seems. It's not like a lot has been going on. I work.. Chris works we spend time together that's about that.....
My mind has been on overdrive the last few weeks.I think the holidays are really screwing with me. I thought I would be okay, like nothing would bother me and I'd be soo happy. And I was... But recently before Thanksgiving it hit me that my Grandfather has been gone for 6 years and I couldn't even be there like I had been every year.. That was my comfort as weird as it sounds. Topher would bring me there and I'd sit on the ground and talk to him. It was comforting. I couldn't be there this year, and that's rough for me.
Besides that Thanksgiving dinner was good. Just rough... His sister and mom fought all Morning... and when Dinner was ready everyone ate and left the table and that to me is very odd and rude.. so here I was sitting at the table alone and realized how much (despite everything they have done..) That I miss my family. I haven't seen anyone in about a year now. And I haven't celebrated a holiday in almost three....
With Christmas coming up I wonder how my emotions from hell are going to fair.. and I wonder if I'm driving Chris insane yet. Sometimes I wonder if I make him happy or is he just frustrated with me. This is silly I am sure....
I've been trying to save some money for Christmas, but the reality of it is, I probably wont be able to save much... I still have to get new glasses. Get my birth Certificate and my license. And with my luck my job will be ending soon and I'll be on the hunt for a new once.. Which scares me. I don't want to feel useless. I don't want him angry at me either....
I don't even know what to get him for Christmas.... Which makes it awful. Arg I hate the holidays! *stabstab* I wish I knew him better I guess, or had some sort of idea.. Maybe make him make a Christmas list. :D I want a nice photo of us. Never had one.. It would be nice. *nods* It would be a good thought I guess to send the family one. But we are running out of time. The 25th is coming far to quickly.
Then my Birthday soon after. 23 and still have accomplished a lot of nothing... *sighs*
Why do I feel so blah.. I'm happy, but blah. This makes no sense.. ARG!
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