Confusion of relief...

Sitting and wondering the world is a deep mystery that is insanely beautiful, each no road, each new chapter is carefully written so that we can move forward and learn from each disaster... Each mistake..

We feel emotions some stronger then others, the intensity is determined on the person. Each moment in life effects one person more then the other and instantly we wonder how will we ever make it through life..

With one foot in front of the other, small steps... Deep breaths.. Everything will fall into place. Opportunities come once in a life time and when the time comes its foolish to not take.

In life I have realized a few things..
*Some peoples lives are easier then others.
*Depression is a strong strong emotion that is scarier then most people would ever think: It rearranges your life to nothingness..
I have never felt that way in my life, every teenager has there bouts of depression but this was bad.... I didn't want to be awake... I had to fight with myself to shower, One cause I was so depressed and two because... The bathroom was disgusting. I had to fight with myself to try and be ok... I had no emotions I just wanted to ignore the world and everything in it.... I was struggling to be ok, I literally could feel my sanity slipping away.. and this scared me. I would think of ways to kill myself and no like the Sweet east ways if you can call them that.. I wanted to shove a knife through my stomach and twist it... I was in so much pain...I Didn't know how to deal with it or what to do....
*I am a good person: I will NOT allow someone to tell me otherwise. I have my flaws, this I know.. but I am a good person, I care deeply for my friends, I love to laugh and I would give the world to see someone happy... No one in my life will ever, I mean EVER tell me I am not a good person ever again....
*Family will NOT always be there for you: In coming months this is something I've had to struggle with... knowing that they will not always be there or even care for that matter... I do not know what I ever did and probably will not, but I can't keep caring for people who care nothing for me.. and to know my parents would rather me on the street then safe makes me sooo mad.. so mad..
*There has to be limitations to what you are willing to deal with: Most people will do anything for love.. and that is were we get hurt... I will never allow myself to be in this situation ever again in my life...
*Despite what some may think.. There ARE several types of abuse: And no Woman nor man should EVER have to deal with that...
*I have some Amazing friends: I don't think we realize how good people are till something bad happens, I wont take my friendships for granted ever again... And I am so so thankful for having them in my life.
*A 18 hour bus trip Gives you a LOT of time to think:And I have never felt so free in my life.. A great burden was taken off my shoulders and the further away from Florida I got the stronger the feeling was and god it was AMAZING!
I'm sure there are others and I will try to keep writing..

For now I know I feel really lost, and I feel like a burden or that its very awkward for Robert to have me here.. and I guess that's understandable..
I know everything will be great... baby steps and deep breaths..

I can be strong!